Causes of divorce (part I)
Friday, July 13, 2012
It is 12 months that make a year and if divided into two the first half just ended and now we are in the second half of the year. It is during this second half that majority of the bachelors and spinsters always fix their wedding ceremonies. This second half of the year always be the pick of summer and entrance into winter, this many young lovers and new couples would like to enjoy themselves as it is always full of excitement.
But with all the goodies of summer and winter that lovers enjoy has anyone thought of the reasons for the high rate of divorce between the couples or separation among the young lovers in the neighborhood, community or society in general. It worth thinking since most of the non-flamboyant and the rococo wedding these days are vastly hitting the rock.
the reasons behind separation and divorce should be the focus and see how best
individual can make correction over their mistakes and take precaution against
future occurrence. Many things have been identified to be responsible for
separation and divorce.
Among are poverty, lack or inadequate love and
desperation of individual. Another
major cause again is that most people go into marriage without prior knowledge
of what is marriage. Every virile man and woman wants to get marry but what
plan have they put in place and how ready are they to face marriage challenges.
mentioned desperation some might be thinking why desperation but in side of the
womenfolk it is the key cause of their divorce. Most of our young women feel it
is a must to get married at an early age while the older ones cannot stand the
reproach or disgrace of not being married.
This has made them entered into marriages not minding what it may cost because they must get married. Even some women in their desperation avoid marriage counseling and courtship so that the man would not change his mind. While men with their own desperation became enemy of doctors and hospitals in order not to be tested for their status of health.
So it is
worth mentioning that some families due to poverty give away their female
children in order to make some money. Some do not care about what and how the
child feels or what she wants for herself. Therefore some female children are
forced into an unwanted or unplanned marital life. So when things are not going
on fine or as expected between couple they would opt for a divorce.
This is especially when they realized that the union is against their will. Divorce and separation also happen in early and arranged marriages. Parents and partners sometimes did not understand that love suppose to be the bedrock, primary and base of marriage if they want it to work.
Well, it is obvious that some marriages lack love. If couples or lovers make love their foundation as it is in the doctrine of the two religions, Islam and Christianity husband and wife will stay together for ever not as we watch on movies but better than that.
However, argument shown it that the problem of divorce is common with women because most divorce has women as the complainants especially at the Cardi’s Court. But have we ever looked deep to the causes and why they always complain. Although it is obvious that in some society some career women would not like to stoop down for their spouses. They would like to be in same category if not above their husbands.
But it is
very clear that men too are naturally egoistic, once their wives start giving
those excuses or challenges in their marital decisions, such wives are finish.
This is because there is possibility of conflicts which could lead to
separation or divorce. More over, pressure cannot be overlooked because social
pressure is another major cause of divorce. Most girls go into marriages
because of money and social status of the husband to be in the society.
As they go into marriage with such mindset, whenever anything affects the position they want to seek divorce because they are not ready to absorb the ups and downs of marriage. At the same time when the husband is not buoyant enough to keep showering more gifts and spend like in the beginning it always spell doom for the relationship as couple will sometimes opt or seek for divorce.
This topic is an open debate, individual comment and contribution is requires. Send your comment and contribution through text or email to the below numbers or email address. As usual, have a pleasant weekend.
Unfortunately I am pregnant
It is about
two years that we have been dating and the relationship has blossomed into a
great love over this period. Despite the fact that we are greatly in love it is
still unfortunate that I got pregnant for him. This is due to the fact that
when his mother knew about my pregnancy she went far to marry a wife for his
son, the love of my heart. My boyfriend kicked against this her mother’s
The mother promised to disown him if he refuses to accept the arranged wife. He later turned in and accepted the wife but the lady is not enjoying anything from him, my boyfriend who I am carrying his baby. Still this boy loves me more than ever and he is planning for us to get marry. I am 22 and what do you think I can do, marry him or not?
Note that what you called unfortunate is
not but unexpected. Because you ought to know that result of man and woman
sleeping together is always pregnancy. Secondly there is always noise and
disapproval when parents are not consented to a relationship between their
children and their chosen partners. So if it happens when things are not in
order or at agreement stage it is unexpected.
What you are to do is to follow
your heart and decide. But before your heart decision, it is important for you
to hear the final words from your boyfriend if he really meant his world to
marry you. Check and evaluate your boyfriend and yourself if you will be able
to stand on your own (especially in term of finance) without any assistant from
his parent. Also it is important to know if your parent support and accept your
boyfriend decision. If you are positive in your finding, go ahead and marry him
May Allah be with you.
But in case your answer is negative reconsider your decision. More over is he ready to be disowned by his mother or marry you along with the other lady and start building a polygamous family at his age? You know what you want in a marriage if you think you will find it when you marry him, you have the blessing. So take care of your fiancé, the unborn child and yourself. Good luck!
He is seriously cheating on me
I really have a big problem that I need help. The relationship is three years old. I definitely love him but he is seriously cheating on me. Any time I talked to him about it he will lied but I do not say anything. Hence he aware that I knew he is lying he will say ‘I love you and I will never hurt you.” But most of my friends saw him and told me about what he was doing outside. I love him but what can I do now?
a relationship is now a common practice and phenomenon young partners are
facing especially in this millennium. All you need is endurance, patience,
understanding among other things to enable you keep the relationship going.
Some men can change if partners can try and apply some logic which is one of
the reasons dialogue, understanding, endurance, acceptance, patience and so on
are essentials. It is true that friends and family sometimes will come with
different talks and opinions but it is your duty to use your senses before you
If you continue to listen to hearsay or act each time you hear any true and untrue rumor it can quickly ruin your relationship. But after few dialogue and still there is no change and you cannot continue to bear the situation better walk away. But every relationship is almost the same it only depends on how you understand, respect each other and handle it. Good luck!
He makes me jealous always
My boyfriend made me jealous always. He flirts around girls in my presence like bees swims in honey. Many times I have told him to stop this because it make me feel unhappy but he keeps doing it and says he loves me and never wants to leave me. What can I do?
If it is
true he makes you feel jealous and unhappy that you do not like probably
because you felt been cheated or disrespected, then you need to decide. To
decide think about the future of the relationship, since you are dating him
check between your sad and happy moments. If your happy moment with him
overweighed the sad moment then continue.
But if it is in the reverse side, give a break and let him know that you cannot continue with his flirtatious attitude. This is especially about his habit of chasing other women in your presence. As far as you are not happy in the relationship and no signs of better future in it, there is nothing like love or ‘I still love him.’ The decision is yours. Good luck!
I date women older than me
I am 18 and
all women that I have been dating are always older than I am. Recently I am
dating one, she is 19. Initially she told me that she did not love me but I
loved her deeply. However, I managed to get her and we started dating. But she
always begged me for something and this made me to spend a lot of money on her.
This lady is too wild and never talks decently. We broke up a lot of times and
got back still she bluffed me.
Any time I complain about his bluffness she replied that I do not worth a man she will bluff. When it was few weeks to her birthday I dumped her because I was broke and she expected me to spend on her as usual. I told her never to call my number again; she cried like river and told me that she loves me ‘madly.’ Since then she does not want to hear my voice but because I turned down her pleas. Anyhow, I still love her, she is my life. What can I do to get back to her?
To be candid to you at your age you need to be very careful when we talk about relationship and how you relate with women. This is because if you can not control yourself at this age and have a choice you might not be able to in future. Not to go beyond your question, since you want her back swallow your pride go to her and apologize for your deed. When going buy her gift(s) to show your love and as a sign of remorse for letting her down especially before her birthday that she needed you most. Good luck!
We cannot understand ourselves
I love my boyfriend and he does love me too but the problem is that we cannot understand each other. We fight always. Right now we are not in good term as we are fighting as well. I do not know if we are to call it quit or continue in this break and make it up system.
what both of you need is temporary separation. Since you both love each other
it will do you good if you can sit down to talk about this issue. Try to
explain things to each other and straighten the issues that always causes
problem between two of you. Try to discuss what you both like and hates and see
if you can understand and value each other feelings.
Should in case it does not work, you have to separate temporarily from each other and see if you will miss anything or learn anything during the period. Still if nothing changes then walk away because you might not meant for each other. Good luck!
Author: Yunus Saliu