Prayer is essential

Attention, reader of this lovely informative, educative and entertainment column, for the period of the Holy Month of Ramadan, text and email messages will not be featured on this your weekly love tonic’s column.

But you can however send your text and make calls to Lovelines as usual, as all your text, email and call will be answered off the column. I wish you all a blessed Ramadan. However, featuring of your text, email, and conversation, romantic text, love gist, and lot more will be back after the celebration of Koriteh. Please read on:

The issue of getting married is an open debate to which everyone can contribute. In the beginning, things are generally rosy and cozy with few bumps. However, as time passes by problems begin to crop up.

How faithful are you when it comes to religion? We should always bear in mind that the doctrine of religion is very important, be you a Muslim or Christian. The two Holy Books have pointed out in several verses how we should choose and from where to choose when it comes to marriage.

Women are not the only ones who suffer when it comes to separation, divorce and other problems in marriage; men also do. But women are more affected and they cry foul the most because they are generally considered to be more emotional. For men, life continues. Their social orientation compels them to bear and take things as they come.

Okay, getting back to our subject; you want to get hitched; have you found time to ask yourself why you want to get married to your future partner? Consider some of the letters from readers on this column. Is it that you want to marry in order to combat loneliness? Is it to avenge a wrong, to torment someone, to show off or to become a rich person? Do you simply want to get married because others are? Reflect seriously on this.

For everything under the sun, there is a purpose. Almighty Allah’s purpose for marriage is for companionship, love, caring, procreation, and honor. Read the two available Holy Books, Quran and Bible. Better still consult Imams in the mosques and priests in the churches for more advice. They are the ones left behind by the prophets to take us round and show us the way.

There is nothing wrong with deliberating on an issue to find a solution. Note that, if your motive is wrong, nothing good can come out of it. Even the holy books support this. In searching for a life-partner, let almighty Allah’s purpose come first. At this stage if I may say so, you will have to go back to Allah because He is the best matchmaker and can get you your partner, anywhere, anyhow.

When it comes to love, I do not and you should not erase prayers when a search is on. As a woman, if a man approaches you and you think you love him, you should always pray thus: “almighty Allah, I wish (Pray) that this man should propose and love me more, I want to marry him.”

And if you are a man: “Oh God, I pray I should get this lady” or “Bi’llahi, if I can get this lady, I will be a very happy man!” Is it loneliness that compels you to search for a soul mate? You are entitled to one. I ask again, are you on a revenge mission? If yes, you are not a good candidate for marriage. This is because your heart will not soften; when the right man/woman comes, you will be consumed with such venom that your inner eyes and ears, which are needed for such a search, are closed.

Everyone should know that love is big and it is one of the greatest gifts from God, not money. Money is ephemeral, but love is eternal. And this can be if you put your trust in Almighty Allah. Go for love, shun thirst for riches and see what happens when you pick the right choice.

For everyone who seeks a mate sincerely, you will surely get that by knowing the purpose of wanting to marry that man or woman, because Allah has created each and everyone of us with a right partner. The main cause of our shouting foul is because human beings are not contempt with whatever comes their way.

Everyone is yearning for marriage but most cannot stay in marriage. Many of the marriages are not up to five years old before breaking up. There are some marriages now that fold up without witnessing a year’s anniversary. Relationships or marriages require a lot of patience, that is one of the reasons why we need courtship, because it will allow you to study each other and know how you are, and how couples will tackle thing when there is any misunderstanding.

People may be wondering if it is the men or women that often divorce, but, in fact, it is both of them. In a relationship, one expects that one of the partners be calm, even if the other is aggressive. But that does not justify cheating by anyone. Above all whatever one desires when it comes to marriage, it should be for a purpose exercise of patience, and tolerance. Know that most stolen affairs always end unhappily. Do not let that married woman or man deceive you.

Finally, know that adultery or fornication can destroy your marriage or relationship; not every one is patient enough to accept and overlook intruders into their affairs. Do not marry for revenge, stay away from the man or woman who is not meant for you, who is there just to take you away from your partner.

This is the Holy Month of Ramadan, during which many rush to marry, only to find out, a few months later, that it is difficult to stay and love each other as in the beginning. Let not the emotional string loosen because love is full of temptations. Put your trust in God. He is always there for you.

With God, all things are possible! In this Holy Month, make a resolution and tell your God about your missing rib and link or the potholes in your marriage, love life, and other things that are affecting you emotionally, When we talk about marriage or relationship, everyone has their shortcomings. No one is perfect but we can become perfect if God guides us.

How to nurture children

The Holy Month of Ramadan is a blessing month that we have to discuss more about things that are obligatory. Hence we are in this Holy Month, it is better we take one of after the other things that are right for the parents, new couples or lovers that are about to wed should know.

For those that already have a child or having children think more about how you nurture your children. Therefore we talk about ‘tarbiyah’ ‘Tarbiyah’ in Arabic word that is often utilized to denote the nurturing of children. It is a word rich in meaning and, linguistically, it implies increase and growth. ‘Tarbiyah’ means ‘to cause something to develop from stage to stage until reaching its completion that is full potential.

So the upbringing of children is an important and holistic thing. It is something that harnesses the ‘fitrah’ of children, their natural disposition to seek truth, and enables them to have confidence in themselves and their abilities. All children are born religious be either Muslim or Christian, after all, but it is their environment that causes them to be otherwise.

For the first seven years of children’s life, parents are to play with their children, for the next seven years until the age of 14, teach them, and from the age of 14 to 21, to be their friend. It is clear from this saying of our predecessors that the first years of life should be fun and play-filled. People often think that this means we cannot teach our children during these formative years but if you watch young children whilst they are playing, they are usually mimicking what the adults around them are doing: learning ‘on the job’ as it were!

Therefore, an advice that worth given to couples especially mothers regarding ‘tarbiya’ – nurturing of children under three, it is part of your responsibilities that you spend more time with your children being a Muslim or Christian and all that entails: pray with them, recite the Holy Qur’an or Bible with them, especially in this month as a Muslim, read with them, do good deeds with them, be just with them and always try to be true to your word with them. Be with them the example you wish them to emulate.

To encourage and teach socializing skills, arrange play-dates with other children around the same age as your child, as this will, Insha Allah, help you instill social etiquettes and ‘adab,” – wise words. Also, mothers, allow your children to help you with your chores once they reach ‘toddlerhood’ by giving them a rag to wipe down surfaces as you clean and dust or an onion to peel that will keep them occupied as you cook. Talk about how, by helping you, they are doing good deeds.

Overall I would recommend that you relax and enjoy this most precious of times. All too often as parents we are so busy thinking about the outcome and ‘getting it right’ that we neglect to take pleasure in the moment. How often will your child do things for the first time? Good ‘tarbiyah’ is something that takes into accounts the child’s individuality and uniqueness. It adapts theory to the child and not vice versa. It is something that looks at ways to nurture nature and implant in a child their relationship with the Creator and their responsibilities therein.

Islamic marriage quotes

“No foundation of Islam is as beloved and as mighty as the foundation and institution of marriage.” “And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.”

“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and he has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” “And of His signs is this; He created for you helpmates from yourselves that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo! Herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect.”

“The love between man and woman (husband and wife) is the grace of Allah. This forms the fundamental base of alliance between couples of the same species. Love and compassion provides the cohesive force of this union.”  “The doors of heaven to mercy will be opened in four situations: when it rains, when a child looks kindly at his parent’s face, when the door of the Ka’bah is opened, and when marriage (occurs)”

“If I were to bestow all the good of both worlds upon a Muslim person, I would endow him with a humble heart, a tongue which continuously utters his praises, a body patient enough to withstand all calamities, and I would give him a pious spouse who, when she sees him, becomes happy, and protects his property and her own honour in his absence.” “There has not been created any institution in Islam which is more favored and dearer to Allah than marriage.”

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