Avoid Marriage of Pain

Avoid Marriage of Pain


Beauty of the Week

Recently, I watched one of the talk show programme on one of the satellite TV stations. The show was centred on a marriage and relationships.  In this week’s edition of Lovelines, let’s take a look on that to explain what is marriage and relationships. I know as you are reading in your meaning, it is to date and get marry to someone you love. Hence the dictionary described marriage as ‘legal relationship between a husband and a wife’ and relationship as ‘a loving and/or sexual friendship between two people.’

Well, it is beyond that the two is about caring, loving and sharing. So this will take us to the main discussion ‘avoid marriage of pain.’ That mean you should not put yourself in a marriage that you will continue languishing in pain all because you want to be a married man/woman or quit bachelor/spinsterhood.

However, to avoid a marriage of pain, I will not rush to end this topic because it touches different things. Here I will focus more on sharing and responsibility which is the same as caring, loving, and sharing, still. The two are about caring and sharing and if you meet or about to fall in love with someone that doesn’t like to share anything he or she has with anyone, take to your heels, because such person is not ready to make you part of his or her life talk-less of making you happy.

This is because in marriage it is for better and for worse as you have to share your happiness/joy and pain, poverty and prosperity, surplus and insufficient, give and take all together. But if you secure a partner that is less of these, it is a bad news as in future you might be a victim of marriage of pain. To avoid marriage of pain, you need someone caring and sharing in your life. Remember, it is not only money that makes you a caring partner and also it is not only money that you can as well share. Note that when we talk about sharing, two things are involved, like mentioned above, it involves give and take. So if all what your male partner knows is to always sleep with you, eat your food, well, it is bad news for you. This is because those are signs of an irresponsible male partner. The same thing to men if all what your female partner knows is always to come to you for open and close show, make demand for money, materials, sit down to gist on irrelevant things with gossiping. It is also a bad market for you they are as well signs of irresponsible female partner.

Uncaring partners, male or female, are those that want you to make account of everything either you like it or not. Such partner can make you go through hell because on any single argument or misunderstanding ready to make account of how it happen or goes.

Again sharing and caring are not until you get marry to a rich partner or being a rich person before you can share and care. I am not saying your marriage with a pauper is the only way you can share. Though marrying a poor person you will be able to grow together but it is bad marrying to someone that is content with poverty and not ready or doesn’t make any attempt, no matter how little it is, to fight it. You might not strong enough financially but with hard work and responsible you will make it. Though there are some people that started in small way and end up big because of their foresight and ability to identified opportunities.

However, it is important for you to see early indicators of trouble in or¬der to avoid it. All the Holy books refer to man as head of the house, not because he is better than the woman but because of the major deci¬sions to be made in the fami¬ly are his responsibilities. Cul¬turally, men play a dominant role and so are considered the head. Being the head means you must be able to make de¬cisions; sometimes difficult ones and at short notice. You cannot afford to be indecisive and weak; because your wife and children depend on the choices you make.

Nowadays, men are not the sole breadwinners. It is possible for a man to marry a woman who earns far more than he does. I think that a man in such a situation must not use it as an excuse for dodging his responsibility, because primarily, the upkeep of the children must be the responsi¬bility of the man. A man must earn enough to be able to take care of his children, because the children do not bear the name of their mother but their fathers. Even if your wife can pay, you must bear that re¬sponsibility as a man in order to maintain your honour as the head of your household.

On the other hand, when it comes to the management and appearance of the home, it is the responsibility of the wom¬an. In spite of women’s libera¬tion, if a house is dirty, it is the woman who should take the blame and not the man. Therefore, every woman must be able to manage a home and ensure that all areas, including the kitchen and toilets, are clean because you never know who is coming to visit and who may have need to use the washroom.

Successful marriages thrive on different role with each partner taking respon¬sibility for the aspects of the marriage that fall within his or her domain and faithfully ex¬ecuting their duties. That can only be ensured if you look out for a responsible person right from the start.

Agony Corner
A Divorcee Ready to Settle Down With Me


I really don’t know if I can handle my situation. I am dating a father of three children. He divorced before we met three years ago. Now, he finally proposed to marry and settle down with me, but I don’t think I will be able to cope with the children. They are grown up but they are always not happy to see another woman around their father.


Well, I don’t see this as a problem for you because you have been dating this man for the past three years and the children were all around and still around till date without any problem. Why it is now that you are thinking of their not wanting to see woman with their father? If these children don’t want to see you around by now it will be ‘song of enmity’ between you and their father instead of ‘song of settle down.’ Though you know more than you revealed, therefore, I would like you to take your time to pray and prepare before making any decision as regards to ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. A little assignment, find out the reason(s) for the divorce in his previous marriage. It is impor¬tant for you to know before taking any decision. Whatever, I think you are scaring of marrying to a man with child or children just like some men are afraid of marrying to a woman with child or children, too. Well, if you love the man and he loves you too that you are sure of, try to cope and start learning how to stay with him and the children. On final note to marry this man, marry the children first by understanding them with that peace shall reign while you will enjoy the marriage. Good luck!


I Am in Dilemma


I am a married man but recently found myself in a dilemma that I need your advice. Sincerely my wife has some attitudes that put me off from her sometimes. She is lazy and not a caring woman. Her attitude pushed me to an extent that I got myself attached to a young lady in the neighbourhood. She is far better and doing well compare to my wife. She came to the house to do virtually everything for us at home whereas my wife will just be sitting down to chat with her and lazing around. To cut it short, the relationship between me and the lady reached climax that we cling. We got used to ourselves and now she is pregnant!   My wife is aware of this 0and she is asking for divorce. I don’t know what to do.



There is nothing to cry foul about on this issue because it involved three matured people. First, your wife already gave her dinner to a stranger while you got total comfort from the stranger. And the stranger happily received the gesture and compensated you guys. On a serious note, your wife’s laziness and uncaring attitude contributed to this while your inability to talk to your wife about her attitude added to it just because someone else his helping her in her role. More so your inhibition is another thing because you saw it coming but because you like what was going on probably because of freebie. Now the result is out. Beg your wife and discuss with her I know she will forgive you then do the right thing on the other lady and bring her in. Good luck!