Beauty of the Week
My life is complicated that I don’t know what to do. Six years ago I stopped schooling because there is no money to continue my education. In 2014, I met my first lover whom I am dating till date. This guy wants to marry me but there is trouble;, my mother kicked against our union because she wants a rich in-law.
Though we are not of the same tribe, but we love each other and our relationship is not based on money or material. My mum is against my relationship with this guy. At my age she walked me to a doctor for a virginity test to know if I know if I am still a virgin. It was confirmed to her by the doctor that I don’t know man yet and that I am still intact. Even the doctor commended me and told my mother ‘to have a grown up at her age without knowing a man yet is not easy.’ My mother insists that I must marry to a certain tribe because of riches. She herself neither comes from a rich family nor married to a rich man, which is my father. There is no one I can run to for intervention; my father is far away and before he traveled, he said my sister and I are free to marry to a man of our choice, but must be a Muslim. I got one but my mother is the obstacle. My sister is happily married as she’s satisfied with the guy I am dating, but she cannot overrule my mother’s decision. What can I do please?
In brief, I want you to know that to the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world. This is the reason your mother wants a rich in-law because she feels with your value and her condition – you mean a lot to her. You mean a lot to her because her thought is that if you marry to a rich man you are going to liberate her from poverty and this is not a certainty in solving the poverty issue. Your mother forgot that forcing you to marry a rich man to make her a rich man’s in-law is like sending you to slavery. I am sorry to say this but if your mother can find a money man, she will definitely sell you to her just to have money without taking into consideration your happiness. She’s thinking like someone who got no faith or has totally lost faith in God. I would have encouraged you to get married to someone she might have chosen for you, if she is not particular about wealth or material. Like I said, ‘there is never a time or place for true love but it happens accidentally – in a heartbeat, throbbing moment and so on. However, to make things easy for you and as well to enjoy your affordable meal on your plate put this into your mind that the first duty of love is to listen. Your ability to listen to your mother logically will enable you to come out with a good decision to tackle your situation. This is because your mother that accompanied you to a doctor for a virginity test can do anything to make sure that you marry to a man of her choice. Now listen to her and tell her that you will do what she wants but your condition is to go back to school or learn a handiwork that can make you stand up as a lady someone can look up to in future. On this decision you should stand and you will pick up gradually. If you don’t educate yourself or learn some skills better still engage in any meaningful thing to better your life. Your mother will soften the rope on your neck when she sees you busy with something but not with a man’s affair. Engaging in something meaningful will enable you to discover yourself and real love. Good luck!
My Heart Is Broken… He’s
Not Picking My Call
For some time now my heart is broken. This is because my man friend and I are in logger heads. I am becoming suspicious of his actions. Also I am suspect our problem might lead to the end of the relationship if there is no solution to it. I am not praying for this anyway because I love him. He is no more picking my phone calls; neither does he call me on phone like before. Prior to our problem he loved me so much that he always did everything for me. The problem between us is that he is not happy when men call me or see any man’s number on my mobile phone. We quarreled over this so many times and now he keeps a distance from me. If I call him, he does not respond to my call. I am having stress without him. Please help me out.
Search your soul to be sure that you are really not taking things behind him. If yes, send a text message to him, since he doesn’t pick your calls, and beg him to at least give you just 3, 5 minutes to talk to him. Wait for his reply and if he replies tell him how unhappy you are since he refused to take or call you. Reassure him of your love for him and let him know that those whose dialed numbers he saw on your phone have no special relationship with you. But if he doesn’t reply to your text message(s) you can still buy him two different types of love cards with good love words inscribed. Example of those cards can be with the words “I always think of you,’ and ‘am yours forever/no one, but you.’ You can equally add anything you know that he likes most to it and present them to him. If he accepts them the rest becomes history. But if he does not and still does not respond or call you then that shows clearly that there is more to his keeping a distance or not picking your call. Then you need a thorough search of your mind to get a clue to his total change despite the strong love he has for you. If no clue to this, be yourself, and if he still don’t come back, put it behind you and move on with your life. Good luck!
What Are the Causes of Failure in Marriage?
I read the story of Jariat titled ‘are these signs of – I am no longer interested in the relationship…’ in your last edition. Well, can you go further to discuss what causes failure in marriage.
Well for some time I have been silent over causes of failure in marriage in our society. My first publication on this topic on Lovelines page was in 2007, though, I have in the past talked and answered different but similar questions on this topic. The cause or most likely reason for failure in marriage especially the youth of nowadays, hence it is no more a secret that some marriages do not last years before the couple part company. Is not an exaggeration and take a look around you will see a married couple of last month if not last week that started robustly now having ripples in their marriage.
Some people are gradually turning marriage into a restaurant and bar whereby you order what you desire to have at that moment or at a particular period it is available. That’s after you see what the other person nearby is getting and you wish you’d order that or better than that without being ready for it or taking into consideration the circumstance surrounding the order!
Well, are you ready now for marriage? Choose your life partner carefully, because there is no room for rethinking after the choice. I want you to know that in marriage once you make a choice, so shall it be. Many times I have listened to preachers, I have never heard anyone of them preaching or praying for a marriage failure for any of their congregations or members whatsoever might be the reason.
All we have heard are how good marriage is, how to build a good home, reason for marriage and so on. But, looking around society today, I have been seeing many failed marriages. Many things have resulted to failed marriage; sometime we take it into consideration and sometimes we do not. Though, some will say ‘mine would not be like that.’ We all pray for a successful marriage, but not thinking of how to make it a success.
You may not be able to determine exactly when and how you are going to meet your partner, but the question is, whom do you associate with? People of questionable character? People with bad reputation? Or men and women of good virtue?
(To be continued in next edition)